February 7, 2013

Morning meditation thirty eight slash three sixty five

Sigh.

I am a little lost. And even more frustrated. Why? I guess it's still about Kristin. Loneliness? I don't know.
I like my group. I seem to be a good fit there. Today's meditations were about being in the darkness but closer to god's light. I guess that's appropriate. The AlAnon one was about giving of myself, too.

I made her lunch. But I am expecting something in return. Was, anyway. I kept hoping she would call last night, that she missed me. Also wanted her to stop smoking, because that just smells nasty. I don't know.

Nit picking.

Praying to god for... what exactly am I praying for? I have a sponsor, and a good group, I just want want want. Maybe I am afraid to pray for letting her go. And now I am crying a bit, so yeah. i am afraid of getting better and losing her. So I keep making her lunches and waiting and waiting and I don't know.

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