Morning meditation four slash three sixty five

Writing makes me miss MySpace. I had readers and interactions there.
Not opening Facebook up helps, I think. Even though I want readers, I don't want to post in there.

Now on to writing, then. I am still tired. i had trouble falling asleep, and I was too tired to read comprehensively this morning. I think my prayer this morning was also shoddy. So am I getting better, or slipping away already? I feel I am improving. Just too much coffee, toss and turned, and am here, typing and about to reread the meditations again.

I should learn to inventory on paper the night before, rather than the mornings. I don't want to rehash what I went through (in my head) yesterday, but I did not write it either. Tenth step stuff. If future Robert is reading this, yesterday was up and down. Mad at god because Kristin showed up at the meeting, but he had Hank there to help me. Mad at god in the back yard later, asking to help me as I cried (note I was crying over my behaviors to her, not her reactions. That's improvement) when Danny called. And I almost didn't answer.)

That's pretty much last night's inventory. Danny hoped that I found peace, and wold be able to sleep. So I tossed and turned about that a bit! Almost texted Ron, about having a sponsor, and about this morning journal writing. As for the next twenty four hours, this is what this journal should be about. I asked Kristin to lunch, because I miss sharing things with her. We will see how (or even if) that goes. I have a wall to fix and a dresser to fix. I need to catch up on filters. i should be too busy to worry about her, or play on the computer, but I am sure that will happen anyway.

I am not sure the AlAnon reading was connected, but the meditation part anyway was very good. My own way of thinking deceives me, it stated. When Hank was sharing, last night, he talked about that voice in his head not being the voice of god. To be honest, he might be right. I have lost enough contact with god to recognize that my eleventh step voice is not there. The true voice of god lies in the meetings, in being open to receiving it through others. And this moment I remembered hearing it from L.E. remember him, and the conversation? The one that lead back to A.A.? God's voice last night was through Hank, sharing about tradition two.

In the Hazelton book it talks about the way unfolding, step by step. God's plan, in other words. Trying.

And it looks like I spent much too much time on last night's inventory rather than this morning's meditation. But I like getting up, and doing this, rather than at night. if it evolves, maybe that is good. But I think at the moment I will keep this up in the mornings, startig the day off much better.

sign off