So this will be the third day in a row, and the last, that I published a blog starting with the word 'so'. Aside from that I have nothing else to talk about. But I have to blog, I made the commitment, and some of my most mediocre blogs have been written this way, under the gun or under the weather, with no particular destination. With any luck at all you might get yourself a fair to middling blog here tonight.

I even went to a meeting, and I don't have anything of note to type about here. The meeting topic came from the daily reflections, which had a little bit to do with the fourth and fifth step, and with responsibility. And for a moment here I wonder if this blogging exercise is just my latest fourth step. They all come about differently. They each have had a unique shape to them. I already did one online, but that is the only similarity to this potential inventory here. That was more of a nervous breakdown, a direct outpouring of emotion and situation. This is more reflective and deliberate in form, even if it is or isn't, or becomes or not, an actual fourth step.

And now, even without something to write about, I came to a point where I could interject with a double space and something completely off topic. Do you begin to see why I enjoy blogging so much?

I think I am going to type about a couple of television shows. Taken by themselves, or even taken together, they would not account to much authority. But I have a feeling they tie in to the subject at hand the past two days, that feeling of being separate from, even though that is a gross misinterpretation of what my brain wants to convey. I am watching Twin Peaks again. With Kristi. She is watching it for the first time. And twenty years later it still has a certain edge to it. There is a certain style to it as well that reflects the time from when it was written. In hindsight, knowing what occurs and what will happen, it is a fun experience to relive. But it is all the more charming as Kristi smiles, then breaks into a guffaw, at exactly the right moments with me. Twin Peaks was full of 'what the hell was that' moments, and Kristi is in tune with all of them. She loves the characters and overall gets it with me, and that is a wonderful thing to share with her.

Tying this in to the theme of the month though is likely a coincidence. Or as somebody somewhere used to tell me at meetings, a chance for god to remain anonymous. Because as I watch the show again and as a memory here or there is reflected upon, it is easy to think that it is a link in the chain of events that lead me to believe I am living triple or quadruple lives in the middle of Barnes and Noble on a Friday night. Layered lives is what I just now decided to refer to them as. Because it is all me, all mine, and thogh there may be variants it is more of a reflection through a deepening pool of water. A distortion of the image through a layer of filtered sunlight, if you can so imagine. 

Which could almost segue into the second show that we finished watching together the past year; Lost. Lost ended about two years ago, and around that time I had gone through four seasons, most of five, and failed to see the final season. Kristi saw season one with me at that time and I kept up with watching the second, then third seasons, while she began to lag behind. I also went online and read about the future episodes. i looked at maps of the island before I completely understood even what the Dharma Initiative was. I saw an episode in season six, Desmond running down Locke, and wondering what that was all about.When it finally ended, and people on the porch at the clubhouse were talking about it all being a sort of purgatory, I misunderstood what they meant.

We finally watched it all, Kristi and I. Started back again at season two and with three or four episodes a night, two or three times a week, we went through it all and even though I realized that I watched much more of season six, the final season, than I had realized, it all made more sense to me this time through. I loved how it ended. I love how when a year ago I thought they had all died on the plane crash, and that this was all just some kind of dream, how stupid that was. I know realize that it all did happen, and they all died when they died, at different times, some on the island and some after. And the idea that they all got together afterward, that time after death didn't matter until they all got there and moved forward together, is an idea I get along with.

Well, i get along with mostly, because I don't ever think of an after life. There may or may not be, or I may or may not be reincarnated, it just doesn't concern me at all. So I won't say that the idea of that kind of limbo appeals to me because that's not true. If it occurs, at all, I will most likely approach it as some adventure. Okay, here we are, in other words, let's do this thing. But watching that entire last season, where they were in some alternate reality, and they got snapped out of it and remembered the other one, that was a lot like what I feel is going on with me lately.

By lately I am pretty sure I mean the past seven or eight years at least.

I may or may not be here. You all may or may not be here for my amusement, in other words, blinking in and out of existence like another fun movie I saw a few years back. I don't know at all, but it feels like an adventure and I may or may not be along for the ride.

And this may or may not be a mediocre blog. I will post it regardless!