May 3, 2009

About a moment ago

I am in a moment where I feel
almost alive. on the verge of existence.
Close to being. but not quite there.

When I was younger, much younger
I would will myself to be invisible. Unnoticed.
I could be in a crowded room and nobody would know I was there. a fly on the wall.
I was ten and following people secret agent style.

Maybe I am paying for that now.
Screaming look at me out the window of a moving car
To the empty streets.

I love her with all my heart (how come it always comes back to this anyway?)
And she won't let me.
Somewhere inside of me is a romantic dying to be strangled
beaten. whipped. handcuffed. just
STFU

But he won't.

So I am growing a beard instead.

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